"I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but
it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world.
Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much. My
heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember
to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through
me like rain, and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single
moment of my stupid little life."
Life has kept going, as I knew it would.
The sun still comes up, cars still drive by, people still laugh. I still laugh. Life has dealt us some pretty messed-up hands the past month- losing the original house we really wanted, losing our first baby, living out of suitcases for 2 months, & possible issues now with the house we're in love with & under contract to buy. But life? I still love you so much.
I have so much to be thankful for, and I am especially thankful right now of all the support, love, & outreach provided by our friends, family, & some nearly strangers the past month. I was hesitant to put my heartbreak out into the virtual world, but I figured it was already floating out in the universe, so why not let others know it was there? I was humbled by the amount of love I received, and I honestly felt like I was wrapped in a blanket of warm hugs by all our loved ones, a blanket that shielded me on particularly dark days and reminded me that at the core of it, life is good. To the ladies who sent me personal messages of similar losses, I can't thank you enough. It hurts to know I have friends who have seen this sort of heartache, but it's also strangely comforting to know I am not alone. I look at those women who have been through it, and I see that life does keep going- sometimes even better than the original plans we had laid out.
Life is a little bit different now, but still beautiful. And I am so, so grateful just to be alive and to get to experience the entire symphony of emotions that I have the past month. I think one day I will look back on my life, and very much love the sound it made.
it kind of pains me to know that i don't have your phone number, and now i know what you're going through right now :(
ReplyDeletei'm sorry for your loss, liza, but it's nothing final! you have so much love to give, i know you and zack will have the most perfect little family. maybe not right this second, but soon enough. maybe god's telling you not to rush! things happen when the time is right.
keep up this positive outlook. it IS a beautiful world we live in, despite the sporadic setbacks. keep your faith, keep your hopes alive. live each moment for what it is.
I found a moth yesterday at work. I contimplated keeping it and mailing it to you.
ReplyDeleteI. Would. End. Your. Life.
ReplyDeleteSo sorry to hear about what you went/are going through Liza, my virtual friend that I know is real :). Prayers, thoughts, and tons of love are being sent through the virtual and real universe to you and Zack. I hope to see you all sometime in the future, the red wine's on me!
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wP9Ey8K7CEI&feature=youtu.be
ReplyDeleteI saw this and thought of you. It's hard to watch but I think the documentary will be really important and help a lot of people.
Hi! I just stumbled across your blog through Instagram- while I do not know your loss a friend of mine does and she blogs as well, perhaps this will help... also, she just had a very healthy baby girl not too long ago, after her baby died:
ReplyDeletehttp://mckinleygrace.blogspot.com/
I hope this helps, in some small way
Molly