"I guess I could be pretty pissed off about what happened to me, but
it's hard to stay mad when there's so much beauty in the world.
Sometimes I feel like I'm seeing it all at once, and it's too much. My
heart fills up like a balloon that's about to burst. And then I remember
to relax, and stop trying to hold on to it, and then it flows through
me like rain, and I can't feel anything but gratitude for every single
moment of my stupid little life."
Life has kept going, as I knew it would.
The sun still comes up, cars still drive by, people still laugh. I still laugh. Life has dealt us some pretty messed-up hands the past month- losing the original house we really wanted, losing our first baby, living out of suitcases for 2 months, & possible issues now with the house we're in love with & under contract to buy. But life? I still love you so much.
I have so much to be thankful for, and I am especially thankful right now of all the support, love, & outreach provided by our friends, family, & some nearly strangers the past month. I was hesitant to put my heartbreak out into the virtual world, but I figured it was already floating out in the universe, so why not let others know it was there? I was humbled by the amount of love I received, and I honestly felt like I was wrapped in a blanket of warm hugs by all our loved ones, a blanket that shielded me on particularly dark days and reminded me that at the core of it, life is good. To the ladies who sent me personal messages of similar losses, I can't thank you enough. It hurts to know I have friends who have seen this sort of heartache, but it's also strangely comforting to know I am not alone. I look at those women who have been through it, and I see that life does keep going- sometimes even better than the original plans we had laid out.
Life is a little bit different now, but still beautiful. And I am so, so grateful just to be alive and to get to experience the entire symphony of emotions that I have the past month. I think one day I will look back on my life, and very much love the sound it made.
