But sitting in the soft morning light drinking a cup of coffee, last night seems so bizarrely unnecessary. No, not unnecessary. That's how I deal with disappointment- I have my moment (or hours, whatever) of absolute dramatics that include crying, screaming, sobbing, scream-crying, etc. and I get every last drop of emotion out, and then...miraculously, I am recovered. I have to have that self-indulgent moment and allow myself to get my disappointments out through whatever means they want to come out, and then I pull my big girl panties on and get on with it, with a genuine smile on my face. Ft. Drum will be fabulous because we will make it fabulous, and because we will be together. I'm already discovering a lot of awesome things about the area (3.5 hours from Montreal, 30 miles from the Canadian border, we'll get to see all of upstate New York, Vermont, Maine, New Hampshire...all places I've wanted to travel, and it snows a ridiculous amount so I'll get to use my Sorel snow boots I never got to use in Germany!) One of my friends from back in the days of the good ol' USMAGF club (West Point Girlfriends...so many lolz associated with that, I can't even) is stationed there with her husband and they absolutely love it, so I'm looking forward to getting all of the insider information from her & getting to hang out with them.
Another slight hiccup in my daily routine- I checked my work email this morning and had a not-so-nice message from a user on the site I've been advertising with- Bookoo (A Craigslist sort of thing for the military community.)
"So not professional. Hobby photographer! See my post about photography on bookoo please!" along with a fake username & email. Her post on Bookoo (which has subsequently been removed) was a rambling rant about how she is sick of seeing all these wannabe photographers who suck, undercutting the prices of all her professional photographer friends. You get what you pay for, blah blah blah.
It's funny, everyone with whom I have worked has gone out of their way to praise my work so I was actually wondering the other day when I'd get my first negative feedback. I was thinking more along the lines of an actual client, though, not being satisfied with the work I presented them with. Not some bored stranger who has probably never even looked at my pictures. I wondered if I should even respond, if it'd be worth crafting a response. I decided I should, mostly to stress the fact that I am by no means whatsoever calling myself a professional. Nowhere near it, in fact. I know I have so much work, and a lot of learning to do before I am at the point I'd like to be professionally. However....doesn't everyone have to start somewhere? If some of the photographers I admire started out with top of the line equipment, taking awe-inspiring pictures straight out of the box with a complete mastery of Photoshop, then I should just quit now. But I'm willing to bet they had to stumble and climb to where they are now. This was my response:
"I don't believe the word "professional" is included anywhere in my post, but I am flattered you'd suggest such! I never claimed to be professional, as I am just starting out. (Hence the price...trust me, I would be charging far more if I thought my work was at the level I want it to be.) Everyone has to start somewhere, and this is my starting place. Talented as I am sure all of your many photographer friends are, they had to start somewhere as well. This is how I am choosing to start: by offering relatively low rates but still high-quality images while working to build a portfolio, client base, confidence, & skills.
Fortunately for me, the FLW Bookoo community has been nothing but incredible thus far. That's what a good military community does: build each other up and give support, not attempt to tear each other down for no apparent reason other than pure boredom (or the Bookoo Photographer Police- what a noble cause! I am sure everyone can sleep much sounder at night, knowing you're policing all those "hobbyist photographers.") Also fortunately for me, the response from the many clients I have booked has been overwhelmingly positive- every last one has been amazed with the pictures they've received, and have even suggested I should raise my prices. However, as I am JUST starting out (as I have attempted to reiterate to you), I would not feel right charging more. Thank goodness we live in America, where people have the freedom to pick any photographer they like- a really great feeling, isn't it?
I really appreciate your interest in my business, but might I suggest you pick up photography as a hobby yourself? I think it's very apparent you need one.
I talked to my Daddy about it, and of course he made me feel better. He said, "You know, it's actually a good thing you got that email. It means you're cutting into the professional's work and they don't like that. If you weren't any good, they'd just leave you alone." She tried to come back with a response attempting to make me feel silly:
Eliza,
The post wasn't directed to anyone specific. So
there really was no need for you to take time out of your busy day to
send me such a lengthy comment defending your work. I merely posted it
as an opinion. As you stated, this is America. So I am entitled to
utltlize my freedom of speech. I'm sorry you clearly feel my comment is
detrimental to your business and if you don't why would you bother
saying anything? I would suggest some thicker skin if you continue to
persue photography. As I've seen through friends, it's a tough business
and if you can't take comments that weren't even directed towards you,
I'd hate to see how you deal with negative feedback. Yes, good on you
for not having any thus far. But you have to be realistic and realize
that not everyone is going to love the work you present them with.
That's just a fact of life.
Good luck and God Bless,
Bee Bee
Not directed at anyone specific? Then why email me instructing me to read it? And ah, "God Bless." Yes, God bless you dear, kind woman- spreading the gospel of Jesus Christ through your selfless acts of photography critiques, doing unto others as Jesus would do unto you (and surely Jesus has disdain for wannabe photographers, right?) Perhaps she should petition for an 11th commandment- "Thou shalt not try to start a photography business." But really, she's right about the thick skin. I know I need to get mine toughened up, but I'd rather it come from people who have actually paid me to take their picture and are dissatisfied with what they're given and could actually give me some constructive, specific criticism, rather than a sad, bored Army wife. One thing I hate about military life: there are some absolute nutso wives out there- we're talking levels of crazy you wouldn't believe. But I guess that's just life in general.
This is what I've been working on. Is my work where I want it to be? Nowhere close. Am I proud of what I have done, with what I have, thus far? Absolutely.
Happiness isn't a feeling. It's a choice.
And I am choosing to be happy, so happy my heart feels like it might burst.
